founder's story

Meeting Lisa

She had me at “Then you’re my Bammy too!”   Lisa (not her real name) is a previous foster child adopted by her foster parents, both she and her brother. She is 4 years old, and I’ll tell you more about her in a bit. 

I met her as I visited my great-grandchildren who are in foster care and in the process of being adopted. I would never have dreamt any of my grandchildren or great-grandchildren would ever be foster kids. That isn’t what we think as we grow up, have kids, and have a vision of what later years will be. It can happen and we have no way to keep it from happening. 

There is a lot of heartbreak to all of this, of course. Feelings of desperation and loss and helplessness in the sea of confusion for a child under the protection of a governmental system that tries its best to help these kids that need it. 

Grandparent Realities

Statistically, elderly people benefit emotionally, physically, and sometimes spiritually by connecting with young people.  Yet as grandparents, we have so little input in how our children and grandchildren live their lives.  In fact, there are thousands of grandparents raising grandkids now who didn’t see that coming. 

There are also grandparents that are required to get certified as foster parents to do so, it is a rule of the system in many places. Those kids are some of the more fortunate. These people make it all happen, but can become exhausted mentally, emotionally, financially, and more. It isn’t what was planned, but we love our grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and children. No matter what has happened in their lives. 

I have many wonderful grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Their living situations are across the board from engaged parents providing wonderful home situations to those who are struggling and have lost their kids to the foster care system. It is overwhelming to me at times. 

I have also had to become a foster parent for two of my grandchildren at one point. I know what it is like. I know how hard it is and how deeply troubled the kids are in these situations. I am so appreciative of the foster parents and foster grandparents who are there for these kids. It is not easy, but it is a labor of love and soul work. The caregivers are selflessly giving of time, talents and treasures all to help kids from feeling lost, alone and unsafe.

Why This Matters

The most important thing to know is that the kids are first and foremost not “throwaway children” because the family unit is broken. 

Secondly, there is no time limit on acceptance and the feeling of family; each needs to know and have someone who shows up and cares. 

And third, and very important as well, there isn’t one foster kid that says, “You aren’t my biological mom/dad/grandparent/great-grandparent”, even if they are old enough to know that. They want people to care about them as a person. To be there. To show up consistently. To guide them with care, respect, and love so well deserved because they are children, and they are people too. 

Finding Purpose 

I am eternally grateful for the foster/adoptive parents that have 3 of my great-grandchildren. I consider them angels placed in all our lives. I appreciate they include us in their family and that we have relationships with our great-grandchildren there with them. 

That being said, in a visit there not long ago, Lisa, who is part of their loving tribe, decided in a nanosecond that if I am Ayla’s (not her real name) grandma, and they call me Bammy, then I must be her Bammy too. She wasn’t concerned about blood relations or anything else attached to that. She stole my heart suffice to say. She, along with many other foster kids I came in contact with while there spurred on the purpose of this program and my mission for LEGs. 

Inspired to Make An Impact 

The League of Extraordinary Grandparents is a nonprofit program managed, directed, and provided by a community of people who may or may not have grandchildren, who may never have grandchildren, and who need and want in their older years a connection to young people who need them and can benefit from their connectional nurturing outside of the regular parenting they receive. 

Foster children typically don’t have grandparents who show up, particularly from their biological sides of the family.  This program provides the surrogate grandparents to have fun with monthly, just like grandparents do. We’ll paint, make things, play games, read, have special programs and special people to guide special activities and events, and mostly just be there to see the kids, hug them if they’d like, and talk and nurture them like grandparents do.

LEGs is also here to fill in and be a collaborative partner with the foster parents as we provide a potential respite time, programs for them too at times, and time for kids to connect inter-generationally with people in the grandparent years. 

Thank you Lisa for my epiphany, thank you Janet (not her real name) the foster mom, and thank you to my grandchildren and great-grandchildren for all the love you give me in all the unique ways each of you do.

May we all be blessings for everyone who’s hearts we touch.

Cheri Conquest Hull